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there is a nice looking lady here at the coffeeshop. that's all.
ladys is nice. and it's nice that they're out there.
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Hospitals should not be meccas for dying. Dying belongs at home, in the community."
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/07/09/health/09sisters.html?th&emc=th
Current Mood:
yeah
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On first looking into Chapman's Homer
by John Keats


Much have I travell'd in the realms of gold,
And many goodly states and kingdoms seen;
Round many western islands have I been
Which bards in fealty to Apollo hold.
Oft of one wide expanse had I been told
That deep-brow'd Homer ruled as his demesne:
Yet did I never breathe its pure serene
Till I heard Chapman speak out loud and bold:
Then felt I like some watcher of the skies
When a new planet swims into his ken;
Or like stout Cortez, when with eagle eyes
He stared at the Pacific—and all his men
Look'd at each other with a wild surmise—
Silent, upon a peak in Darien.

Current Location:
what!? this!-thisismySHIT!
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anyone know how to use united miles to book a multi-city trip? there doesnt seem to be any option but roundtrip under the book with miles page.
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acceptance
letting things go
how to expand my heart like a balloon
remembering nice things but not leaving myself sad afterwards
action not talk
accepting people for what they are
not judging strangers, we are all walking our own life and so long as no one is punching me or stabbing a person i love, do you
not judging people i know, we are all walking our own life
how to be more selfish without being "selfish"
willpower
the trumpet



some things I have already learned and am continuing to find the balance of them:
becoming more vocal and less passive
how to expand my heart like a balloon, putting my lips to it and blow steadily
how to love an animal
doing more for self

Tags:
* * *
maybe it's the clouds. maybe the nick cave songs playing in the coffeeshop. maybe it was the bike ride alone with myself. but for some reason i feel a little bit heavy today. while at the same time without grounding. i'm calm, but wanting to swing. i need something to forget myself with or something to make a fist against. i feel little and gone. some days i dont want to be any place but this town and the thought of when i leave fills me with fear. and some days, i cant get out of here fast enough. every corner here is a magic trick i was learning. little houses. the tiny streets are filled, filled with little hidden little little houses.
Tags:
Current Location:
sleeping through cartography class
Current Mood:
spit on my fists
Current Music:
nick cave
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Years is chains. Hands is keys. Talk is shit. Action is hearts. Tighten kicks or get off the path. Love walks the walk. Tightrope artists just dance.
Flying saucers touched me. I remember flying saucers.
Tags:
* * *
that house we were both in


you were covering yourself and the walls, with strips and scraps
of aluminum foil. it was daylight and we all thought you were crazy.
the walls of that wooden mansion had held death before.
a fallen chandelier. the rope cut. an heiress painted below
on top of the broken glass. the body of the butler found hanging
in the walk-in freezer. a knife in the belly. someone small
fed to the dogs. the brake line of the rolls slashed. it crashed
at the bottom of the hill. the peacocks moving their necks.
inside the house we were all wandering up and the down
the dark oak of the many staircases. the sun held its heavy fingers
on every thing in there.


you were sending messages through the foil. twisting it.
shining. bending it to bend some language to the other planets.
you told us you had to tell them,the planets, they had to know.
they had to! we all thought you were crazy. it was daylight
outside and in. and I remember realizing yes. yes you are crazy.
this means you are crazy. that is how you killed yourself.


you left for texas the foil still stuck to the countryside.
found a lake of water to bury yourself in. sending translations of space
across its bottom. some brightly burning beast of a planet
from somewhere had called back to you. told you something
only you could understand. you tried to tell your body
what it all meant. the two of you didnt speak the same tongue.


I packed my bags and left the house. sheets on the floor.
the furniture uncovered. the dust moving
through the eternity of the sunlight. the paintings
still covered in your wrinkling silver.

Tags: ,
Current Music:
throw me the statue
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15:52 Sad and strange news. Michael Jackson. Passed away. damn... #

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17:53 Do not walk with fear. Shed secrets. A little more each day. Do not carry the things you hide. This will strengthen you. A lil more each day #

18:04 dance today. with someone else or by yourself. in your room or on the street. even just for a short little song. #

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12:25 Sittin in O Hare with a root beer, a headache, french fries, and futurama. Meet me in the head museum? #

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one
I feel like the sea, still and moving, shifting, but still. and whatever that means. good. bad. just a strange calm emptiness, hollowed but full. like a glass where the water poured into it pours with such force the water inside of it is pushed up over its walls, so for a brief moment there is a space where there is no water from outside the glass and there is no water from inside the glass and there is water moving all around that space, holding it almost. I feel like that moment. good, bad? I dont know what that means.


two
where the river meets the oceans I feel must work in very much the same way as that glass of water


three
from above and in the middle of it, the waves at the top of the sea moves in a direction. like one giant body of an animal and a pack at the same time, heading in the direction of something, a grove, a plain of tall grass. a cold rock. a cliff. but it is really just moving to where it already is, while beneath it moves in the other direction. both parts moving continuously towards itself and never quite arriving there. at the center of both those moving circles is the deepness. still and green and dark and hollow in itself. it isnt empty as it's a substance, it's the thing that is filling another thing, filling the biggest made bowl. but from the perspective of the ocean, being in the waters there is only stillness, only empty. hollowed and full at the same time.

Current Location:
emptying and filling, and trying to move forward
Current Mood:
calm
Current Music:
multiple streams of water pouring in and out
* * *
things i like:
jack gilbert.
outdoor showers.
wearing hoodies at the ocean.
* * *
things i dont like:
homework!
charlie horses!
mustard!


things i do like:
watching movies in my bed.
watching movies in the theater on a sunny afternoon.
cherry cokes & root beers.

* * *
things i dont like:
portland in december.
new york in january.
austin in august.


things i do like:
portland in june.
new orleans in april.
new york in fall.

* * *
things i dont like:
semantics.
denotation.


things i do like:
semantics.
connotation.

Current Location:
I want cake. Icing.
* * *
things i dont like:
where i've been.
the sunlight between 3:45 and 4:30 in the afternoon.
having to throw out old birthday cards.


things i do like:
the commitment to throwing out some old birthday cards.
tai iced tea.
where i'm hoping.

Current Mood:
I still want dessert.
* * *
things i dont like:
the thought of tuna casserole.
that this world took from her.
detroit boys.


things i do like:
mailing little letters to people.
making these people in particular laugh: alexis, sarah j, chris, joe.
secret passageways.

Current Location:
pre-plum street
Current Mood:
I WANT DESSERT.
* * *
imagining having to eat a whole casserole dish of tuna casserole, kinda makes me wanna throw up.
Current Location:
nawlins
* * *
hwhhhhhhhfffhh.........
the letters get smaller as you breathe them out
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